On January 18th, 2019, I had my last radiation treatment for ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS): breast cancer. Being diagnosed at 36, even with Stage 0 breast cancer, felt like my world had started to crumble around me. I had lost my mom to breast cancer only four years before, and had been terrified of getting my first mammogram for an entire year before the diagnosis.

Regardless, it rocked my entire world.

When you are treated for cancer, the first day after your last “active” treatment is your first day in survivorship. Active treatments include surgeries, chemotherapy, and radiation, and while tamoxifen is considered treatment, it’s passive, so the countdown to anniversaries begins after you complete your active treatments.

The last five years of passive treatment haven’t been much more forgiving, unfortunately.

The five-year threshold is a milestone along any cancer journey. At five years post-diagnosis, the chance of recurrence reduces significantly – mine will be less than 3% starting tomorrow. Through the worst of it, dozens of people reminded me that I would feel like myself again; in five years, I was told, “all of this will feel like a bad dream.” As the years have ebbed and flowed, I’ve learned that I won’t feel like my old self again, because she has become someone who has lived through this. But, as I step into my fifth year of cancer survivorship, I can’t help but feel emotional knowing how far I’ve come, and how close I am to it all just being a bad dream.

And though my breast cancer journey will always be a backdrop in my story — always coloring the world around me and the way I interact with it — it will not always be in focus. I will continue to live and thrive and make memories with my favorite humans. I will continue to love fiercely, and dance poorly, and travel often. I will continue to adventure bravely with my arm raised high.